When I was an infant, they said, "The baby is cute and jovial". However, they later said to my parents, "Your neighbour's son is slightly more chubby and plump." After a few months, my relatives visited my place and said, "The boy is somewhat fat. He should be thin." This was how I was rated as a child of order two, three or even less. The people around you never let you come first. Even infants are not spared! This process never ends.
My childhood was full of such incidents when I was compared with others and thereafter rejected on account of imperfection. All this happens even without your knowing. Finally you are labelled as useless and sometimes 'different'. Gradually, you give in to such pressure and accept the allegations. Then, the process of normalization comes at play and you try really hard to join the majority full of 'normals'.
Likewise your teenage is full of people reacting to your fantasies and idiosyncrasies. Your adversaries thrive on your peculiar habits or tendencies. You are viewed as a problematic teenager. Everybody criticises you, but nobody bothers to tell you what is wrong. You always find an ideal or a superior child (better to say role model) with whom you are compared day and night. If you revolt, you are called a 'rebel'. If you submit, you're taken for granted.
By the time you mature to adulthood, not much is left. Enough time has been lost while fighting for your rights and roles. Now, apart from the 'perspective' problem another problem haunts you. The latter called 'livelihood' has served as the acid test even for many great souls. Rightly said: Man is born free, but has bondages everywhere. Everybody wants to arrest you; nobody wants to liberate captured souls.
An adult is believed to be mature enough to shoulder all responsibilities and tackle every misfortune that befalls him. The basis of this belief is the learning process from childhood to adolescence he undergoes. Sometimes you are drawn into the 'wrong company' and sometimes the 'right gang' rejects you. The big question: Has he really 'matured' to adulthood on account of 'those experiences' from childhood to teenage? Between the devil and the deep blue sea!
Forget all the analyses done above. Now, after death my soul says: "You were always good and perfect. Being a human being is no less than being a great soul. Had you realised your greatness and rejected all those extraneous criticism, you would have been a more satisfied soul. However, your life has been full of competition and comparison. You were always after material possessions. At last what did you get? Smoke." Life is Smoke. Soul is Smoke.
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